"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
