am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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