I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
