Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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