You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
