How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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