Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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