its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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