He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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