If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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