Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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