Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
