your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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