We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
