i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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