i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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