How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
