I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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