the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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