he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
