he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
