I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
