The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My dick has a subreddit
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
