Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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