that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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