I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
