he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
