I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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