If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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