My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
