Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do vagina's smell?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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