ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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