before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
