Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
