I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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