So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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