We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
