Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
tell me about the fingering
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