If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
pray to the hookup gods
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
