chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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