The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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