it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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