i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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