And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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