I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She bit a glass in half.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
