doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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