if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
