don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
