The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
