My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
