I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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