He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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