The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
