the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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