dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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