i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
