I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
