It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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