I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
