I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
