She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
