How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
