Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
