Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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