the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
