Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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