Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
