Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
