At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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