I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
