He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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