Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
