I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize