i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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