I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
