he thought i was a dude.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You've changed since you got that strap on
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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