I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
