hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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