Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
