Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
