I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
