Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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