I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
