if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
