thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
