When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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