i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My vagina is very pro this idea
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