Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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