upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
